you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We have so much sex to catch up on
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
