shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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