Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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