sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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