i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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