I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
