drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
