Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
