she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
