farters have to be the big spoon...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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