I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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