This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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