So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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