How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Randomize
