I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
