somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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