just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
