yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
