I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize