i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
