dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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