I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
