You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I pour the whiskey from now on
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