It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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