I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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