He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
