I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We left the knife in your bed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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