Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
