This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
