Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
