the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
