normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
