yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
