Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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