Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You took a bar mat shot.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
