so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
