Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize