Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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