"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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