I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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