This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need to get me chipped asap
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
