but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
