im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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