just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
