Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didn't notice because vodka
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
