hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
