Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
