This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
