I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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