My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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