He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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