I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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