I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
3 2 1 whiskey
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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