Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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