I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
