How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
