It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
