Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
