We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
