He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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