i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
