he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
