She's JV to your varsity
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
