you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
