I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
