Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
