Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
