things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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