I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
