Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
