I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
