Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
