Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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