You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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