We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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