It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
