i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
